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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27474799">The Drunken Stewjon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/carryonmywaywardsonofabitch/pseuds/carryonmywaywardsonofabitch'>carryonmywaywardsonofabitch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>CT-7567 | Rex &amp; Ahsoka Tano Friendship, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Jedi Ahsoka Tano, Mace Windu is a little shit, Mentioned CC-2224 | Cody, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Other, Planet Stewjon (Star Wars), Poor Obi-Wan Kenobi, Stewjon is space Scotland, attempts to write a Scottish accent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:27:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,065</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27474799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/carryonmywaywardsonofabitch/pseuds/carryonmywaywardsonofabitch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A dignitary trip to a secluded planet takes a surprising turn.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Mace Windu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>212</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Drunken Stewjon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ahsoka was excited. Never had she been to a planet that would require four Jedi in order to complete their negotiations. She never even heard of this planet before until this morning. Stewjon. The very name itself was cloaked in mystery. Apparently, it was one of the most secretive planets in the galaxy. Only few were ever able to enter its atmosphere. Those born on the planet, and those there for diplomatic meetings. The extensive procedure they would soon endure when landing, according to Master Kenobi, almost dampened her mood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Almost.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was the only one bouncing on her feet. Her Master looked over at his excited student and gave her a small smirk and a wink. She felt the heat rushing to her cheeks as she slowed down her erratic movements. No. For this mission, they needed to be discreet and professional. But still…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Master Kenobi and Master Windu were conversing quietly at the front of the ship, Master Windu clearly annoying Master Kenobi given by the booming laughter and Obi-Wan’s exasperated departure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pilots led the ship to an almost complete stop as the chatter around stopped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The intercom buzzed,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatcha want? State ya name an’ business.,” a heavily accented voice droned out. Ahsoka didn’t know how Obi-Wan could even hear what was said. From other expressions, she wasn’t the only one who thought so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is Obi-Wan Kenobi. The Negotiator, requesting access to land.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a pause on the other side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, hell. If it ain’t Obi- fuckin’-Wan Kenobi. Wher’ ya been ya bloddy fud?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A few gasped at the scandalous language thrown at their General. Rex even going so far as to covering Ahsoka’s ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan let out a strained laugh, </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s good to see you too, Percival. Now if you won’t mind letting us in.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>I’ll gie ye a skelpit lug, is wat’ll dew.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Percival!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fin, fine. Ya never want ta tawlk to meh, just let meh in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all patiently waited for the force field around the planet to vanish, but it never did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan looked queasy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perce?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ya know wat ta do, laddy. I kno ya haven’t forgotten alre’dy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“General, is there something wrong?” Waxer hesitantly asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mace, who had came with Obi-Wan on their last mission to Stewjon, turned to Obi-Wan with a shit-eating grin, </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Obi-Wan, is there something wrong?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan whipped himself around, to face his Elder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shut your face!” He yelled, brandishing a finger in front of the laughing Jedi.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Master, what do we need to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing you can do, Anakin. I’m afraid only I know what this bleeding bampot wants,”, his Coruscanti accent starting to slowly slip away from his words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sir!” Cody, the ever-loving prude, wheezed out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan, who still had his hand on the receiver, whined. Honest to Force, whined.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But, I don’t wanna do ittttttt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ahsoka was shocked as her Grand-Master sounded every bit the immature padawan she was pretending not to be today.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But do I have to do it now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kenobi! We need to continue this meeting. If you don’t do this, then we risk losing this planet to the Separatists.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not even Mace’s still present smile could break the firm, masterly voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan sighed and started.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well a Stewjon clad in kilt, left a bar one evening fair</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And one could tell by how he walked, that he’d drunk more than his share</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He fumbled ‘round until he could no longer keep his feet</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Singing? Ahsoka wondered. That’s what he had to do?</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ring-ding didle idle i de-o</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ring die didley i oh</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“See young sleeping Stewjon, so strong an’ handsome built?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath their kilt.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Was that a blush appearing on Master Obi-Wan’s face? This was perfect blackmail material. A few clones started to hum along, recognizing the simple pattern of the song.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ring-ding didle idle i de-o</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ring die didley i oh</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath their kilt</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They crept up on that sleeping Stewjon quiet as could be</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lifted up his kilt ‘bout an inch so they could see</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And there, behold, for them to view below his Stewjon skirt</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin never knew how crude his Master could be when he wanted. He didn’t even know Obi-Wan would even know songs like these! Didn’t stop him from joining along in the chorus though…</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ring-ding didle idle i de-o</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ring die didley i oh</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They marveled for a moment, then one said, “We must be gone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Let’s leave a present for our friend, before we move along.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As a gift, they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Around the bonnie star the Stew’s kilt did lift and show</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The mix of 212th and 501st soldiers couldn't help themselves as they leaped up into dance and heartily sang.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ring-ding didle idle i de-o</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ring die didley i oh</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Around the bonnie star the Stew’s kilt did lift and show</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now the Stewjon woke to nature’s call and stumbled toward the trees</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Behind the bush he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And in a startled voice he says, to what’s before his eyes</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Lad, I don’t know where ya been, but I see you’ve won first prize.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ring-ding didle idle i de-o</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ring die didley i oh</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Lad, I don’t know where ya been, but I see you’ve won first prize.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ahsoka didn’t know when the last time was, when she had that much fun. She would definitely have to thank Master Obi-Wan later, after the meeting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fields immediately collapsed after the song, and the pilots steered down towards the landing bay, Master Windu directing the men. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan, whose face was flushed in embarrassment, strode towards his room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Last time, I get drunk with strangers, “ he muttered, only Anakin close enough to hear the grumpy Master’s words. Which was why Ahsoka was so confused when her Master started choking on air.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>...i don't know what this is either...</p><p>osi‘kyr! i thought i hallucinated this story!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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